This afternoon I picked up my girls from school- two crazy chickens that have just been woken from a much needed and never long enough nap - I never know what mood I'm going to get. Cranky? Spacey? The cranky usually wears off on the ride home and they eventually land on Earth and come around- or they fall asleep again and we delay this process for an hour.........okay now to the point.....
We stopped by the grocery store with our list, circled the parking lot and then settled for spot. I have Sam taking up the front of the cart and my two space cadets that are still adjusting to this planet- neither want to ride in the back so I take a deep breath and brace myself. Linley is the child that is easily distracted and at some point in the day, while looking at something with her inquisitive little eyes, she runs SMACK into a wall or someone else. (Yes, this is a daily occurrence and no, I shouldn't be laughing.) Annabelle is 4 and that means independence is her only goal in life and she genetically (my husband's side) isn't able to hurry! We set off through the produce department as I repeat "love is patient" in my head over and over again.
Next up is the meat section- we just have to grab some chicken breast- simple right? Well incase you didn't know the meat section is cold. As I'm explaining to Annabelle that the quicker we grab our stuff the quicker we can leave that part of the store, Linley is nearly getting plowed down by a road rage granny with a shopping cart. My logic about moving faster to warm up doesn't settle well with Annabelle- she's now convincing Linley that if they follow me they are going to get colder and "fweeze". Granny also needs chicken and cuts in front of us. So, another deep breath, I try for a third time to explain that we just need one thing and we'll zoom out before we "fweeze". I pick up Linley, set her on my hip and grab Annabelle's hand insisting that she stop protesting. Here it comes- THE FIT!!!!! I realize that she's still not an Earthling and is tired and it really is cold - I plop her into the back of the cart determined to get my stinkin chicken.
Annabelle is still in the middle of her routine. I've stopped listening. Then it happens. Granny leans over the cart and tells my child that if she stops crying I'll give her candy. REALLY???!!!! No, Granny I won't! It gets better when she leans over to me and says "That's one way to get her to shut up!" EXCUSE ME!!!!! Did she really just say that? She sort of laughs waiting for me to agree but I instead tell her that I'm the mother and I've got it under control. Who walks up to a stranger, insults their child, laughs and expects them to agree???? That's my child she just bribed, mocked, and laughed at! Granny has now undermined my parenting and disrespected my baby. I've had this happen before- the unsolicited parenting advice from a perfect stranger- but to flat out make fun of and use profanity in front of my children was a whole new chapter in that over read book. I really wanted to give her some advice on how to mind her own business, treat others, act in public, and respect boundaries......wish I could have!
I've lived life "being nice" which isn't a bad thing. But the older I get the more I realize that "being nice" doesn't mean allowing people to treat you/your loved ones badly or that you cannot stand up for yourself. I'm not saying that I want to be rude- I just want to stop being nice and instead be honest-polite but honest. I want to take a stand, speak up and make a change in myself.
I've always lived by these stupid rules in my head
~agreeing with others just to get along
~never reclining my airplane seat so I don't bother another
even though I'm the one with a lap child (I know that sounds ridiculous!)
~letting other people take control of things that are rightfully mine
~not speaking up for fear of upsetting or hurting someone
~eating the wrong food at a restaurant because I don't want to inconvenience the waiter
~being the messenger if asked (a role that I've never liked playing)
Well I could list a million more stupid things I've always thought/done- but the point is I don't want to do them any more! I realized, during Granny's disturbing statements, that the old me probably would have sheepishly agreed and laughed it off. No matter how much I despised what she was saying and wanted to lay out some truths for her, I would have just agreed to appease the situation and avoid the awkwardness. I've lived with much frustration and guilt because I wasn't honest. Being honest is much nicer then "being nice". This will be my goal for 2012- stop "being nice".
So this is my revelation of the day- I need to be more honest, less fearful, and do my grocery shopping without the kids!
